5 ways to deal with a breakup

How to cope when your relationship is over

Oh breakups, you don’t half make us feel grim. Our hearts hurt, we’ve cried the equivalent to a large river, and we haven’t slept for weeks. But don’t panic – ladies, move away from that waterproof mascara, and gentlemen, put down the pint and listen up. Here are five tips to help you banish the breakup blues:

Breakup tip 1:  Stay away, and think of the bad times

 “I’ll nip to her house to see if she’s remembered to feed the fish”, “I must go and check that he managed to get back from the gym okay”. No, no, no, no, NO!  If your relationship ended for a good reason, don’t sit there thinking of excuses as to why you ‘must’ go and see him/her, in the hope that you’ll fall into each other’s arms and have a passionate, slow-motion embrace. If you have any thoughts such as those above, this is the one time you can ditch the “think positive” mantra that people rave on about, and go all out on the “everything’s going wrong” train of thought. It’s common to mourn the end of your relationship by thinking of all those good times you had together, but these thoughts don’t counteract the fact that your relationship wasn’t going well. Whenever you have thoughts about getting back together – and you know deep down that you aren’t right for each other – remind yourself why you broke up and think of all the annoying habits your ex partner had. You’ll be grateful for your new-found freedom in no time.

Breakup tip 2: Make positive changes to your life

Whilst there’s no doubt that breakups aren’t pleasant, they can serve as catalysts for all sorts of positive changes to your life. Now that you’re single, use it as a rare opportunity to break out of the mould you may feel like you’ve been cast in after spending prolonged amounts of time with this one person. You’re now free to reinvent yourself into whomever you fancy without needing to ask for anyone else’s opinion. If you fancy an image change, put some money aside to treat yourself to a new wardrobe or a new hairstyle, and don’t forget to give your home a little post-breakup boost too – get rid of any items that remind you of your ex and change around the furniture in any rooms that you spent a lot of time together in.

Breakup tip 3: Avoid binging on booze

Whatever you do, don’t seek refuge in alcohol because, as much as your favourite tipple may cheer you up, it can make your emotions come crashing back down twice as fast. You’re more likely to drink more than usual after a breakup to help you relax and forget about your worries, but alcohol makes more problems than it brings about solutions. One minute you’re having a quiet drink over a meal with your friends, and the next you’re knocking back tequila slammers like there’s no tomorrow. You wake up with a banging headache and a ‘sent messages’ folder (all to your ex) longer than the list of drinks you managed to chug back the night before. Avoid alcohol at all costs. Don’t keep it in the fridge, don’t walk past the shop, and don’t even look at the pub on your way home from work.

Breakup tip 4: Remember there are other people with broken hearts

While it won’t solve all of your problems, it can be comforting to know that there are other people out there going through a breakup too. The chances are that they too are being told by well-meaning friends and family that there are “plenty more fish in the sea” as they sob into their pillow thinking “I know, but I want that fish”. Remember that it’s not the end of the world, and there are always people worse off than you.

Breakup tip 5: Understand what’s normal

Don’t panic if you feel as though you never want to go near a member of the opposite sex again, you never walk to walk past the men’s section in the clothing store again, and you never, for the rest of your life, want to even think of a man again. These feelings are completely natural when you’ve just come out of a serious relationship – it’s your body’s way of protecting you from any further heartache. One day, you’ll realise you have butterflies in your stomach, and you’re feeling slightly giddy over another person. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth, and before you can experience those joyous sensations again, you must go through the hard part first. Breaking up is never easy to do, but once you’re at that ‘rock bottom’ stage things can only go up. It will all be worth it once you’re settled down with someone you’re much happier with.