Deciding to get a place of your own with
your partner is a big step. It can raise several concerns, particularly
for those who are used to living alone. To make things stress-free and
to ensure a smooth transition, remember these 10 top tips.
Respect each other’s need for space
Whether you’re moving from your family home, a shared house with
friends or a place of your own, you will probably be used to being able
to have time and space to yourself whenever you need it. However, just
because you are moving in with your partner, that doesn’t mean you have
to sacrifice your “me time” completely. Everyone needs time to
themselves from time to time, so don’t be afraid to ask for it. Let your
partner know in a gentle and loving way when you need some
time alone to relax, and be sure to give your partner the same consideration and space when they need it.
Share the load
It’s no news that one of the most common things for a couple to argue
about is household chores and responsibilities. Particularly if this is
the first time you have lived independently, it can come as a shock
when you realize just how much upkeep there is in running a home. The
fairest way to cope with this burden is to halve chores. There are bound
to be tasks you hate equally, but you will also find that there are
certain responsibilities you naturally assume. It’s the twenty first
century – cooking and cleaning aren’t just for women.
Plan a fun night
Particularly during the first few weeks of living together things can
get stressful, what with all the unpacking, setting up energy providers
and filling in forms. Even once you have lived with one another for a
while, it’s a good idea to arrange one night a week where you forget the
chores and the bills and just enjoy each other’s company. Whether it’s a
DVD night after cooking a meal together or you go out for some drinks,
it’s important to make time for the main reason you chose to live
together.
Help each other clear out
Before you move in there will be oodles of organising to do. To avoid
bringing everything including the kitchen sink to your new place, it’s
wise to have a clear out. This can be a stressful and overwhelming task,
so set aside a day or two (ideally a few weeks before your moving day)
to help each other sort through all the clutter. Make some trips to
charity shops, get busy on eBay and recycle the rest.
Paperwork teamwork
When you’re in the process of buying or renting a new place to live,
there can be so much paperwork involved – even more so if you’re also
selling a property. Don’t leave this to one of you to do on your own.
All that small print is headache inducing, and there’s a lot of pressure
that comes with signing documents. Sharing the responsibility will not
only halve the stress, but it also means you’re both clued up on the ins
and outs of mortgages, property valuations and legal fees.
Plan ahead
The sooner you start making arrangements for your new home together,
the better. The more spread out your planning is the less stressful it
will be when it comes to moving in with one another, as you can rest
assured you have both done the leg work before the pressure was on.
Things such as ordering furniture, getting quotes from traders and
contacting a building surveyor all take time.
Be honest
Are you feeling nervous about flying the nest? Do you have concerns
about the bills or having the responsibility of a mortgage? These are
the kinds of things you need to express to your partner to let them know
how you’re feeling. Often, they will have similar concerns which you
can then share and hopefully halve and work around together.
Be flexible
It’s likely that you won’t agree on absolutely everything – which is a
good thing; after all, opposites attract! Remember this before you get
carried away in the home department buying home accessories that you
love but that aren’t quite up your partner’s street. Always try your
best to meet in the middle with your style ideas when you’re choosing
wallpaper, furniture and appliances, as it’s not just your home.
Accept each other’s habits
Being someone’s partner and living with them
are two separate things. Until you share a bedroom, bathroom and
kitchen with someone you might not be aware of their habits. No one is
perfect and we all have bad habits – even if we don’t realize it
ourselves. The best thing you can do when you first move in with your
girlfriend or boyfriend is to be as tolerant as you can of their flaws.
If there is a habit you simply cannot stand, talk to them kindly about
it rather than embarrassing or insulting them.
Talk money
Saving the trickiest ‘til last… Money
can be an awkward topic to talk about, but if you’re moving in with
your partner it’s something you can’t avoid discussing. Draw up an
estimate of your monthly outgoings then work out a fair amount for you
each to pay – contributing in ratio to what you earn is often the
fairest way to do it, rather than simply going halves. If you have a
joint account already then it’s wise to arrange for your utility bills
to be taken from this account, and you each transfer a set amount each
month into it, leaving extra for any emergencies such as a broken boiler
or some surprise damp.
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