When a relationship ends, chances are you
won’t just be left with a lot of spare time on your hands. Most
relationships that end leave you with some sort of unhappy legacy. It
may be that you are left with new insecurities, or you might develop an
issue with trust. Annoyingly, this relationship baggage has a habit of
sticking around. It can be awkward to shift and can negatively impact on
your new relationships. To help you ditch your relationship baggage,
follow these 10 steps.
Flip it
If you are in a new relationship and are finding that your old
relationship baggage is causing problems for you both, then turn the
situation around. Ask yourself how you would feel if your new partner
was judging you and your actions by the behavior of their ex? Would you
feel that was fair or realistic? Thinking about things from your
partner’s perceptive can help you
get over your ex.
Good relationships
If you’ve had a constant stream of bad guys or girls in your life it
can be easy to begin to generalise and assume every man or woman is a
terrible person. Clearly this attitude is not going to allow you to move
on into a new relationship. To ditch this relationship baggage think
about the positive relationships you’ve had with either men or women.
You can choose from a variety of people, from past friends, to
relatives and maybe even some exes. Reminding yourself that the opposite
sex are not all bad may help you to reach a new, more positive attitude
that will help you form new relationships.
Don’t be a clam
Once we have been hurt it can be very easy to succumb to the urge to clam up. Yet you can’t develop a strong relationship
if you never share or allow yourself to be vulnerable. The best way to
overcome this piece of relationship baggage is to simply let go, dive in
and open up about something you care about. Then you just have to wait
to see what happens. It’s a tough one, but the rewards are well worth
the risk.
Ask for help
Not making your new partner aware of the hurts or insecurities you’ve
acquired because of your previous relationship will lead to confusion
and may end up in the breakdown of your new relationship. Although
difficult, telling your partner that you have an issue with trust or
that you have a fear of commitment will mean that they can offer you the help and support you need to overcome those issues.
Advise your friend
When you are trying to look at your life and come up with a solution
to a problem it can be hard to see what the right thing to do is. A
really good way to help yourself through an issue is to pretend your
friend has come to you with the same problem. In your head, relay all
the information you would need from your friend to help them overcome
it. Then think about what advice you would give them and apply that
advice to your own life.
See a therapist
For some people the thought of seeing a therapist is terrifying, but
looking at your past relationships and confronting the lingering
problems those relationships caused can help you in ways you didn’t
think were possible. If you have struggled with relationship baggage for
some time, seeing a therapist might be the best option for you.
Meet up
If some time has passed since you broke up with your ex, arranging to
meet with them and talk about why the relationship ended can help. This
can be especially helpful if you felt like you never got any closure
once the relationship ended or if you have never been sure why the
relationship didn’t last. Make sure you are in a good place mentally
though before meeting up with your ex, because it can bring back a lot
of unhappy and surprising feelings.
0 comments:
Post a Comment